How The West Was Won: Stacking Up The Pac-12 Diaspora In Week 9
How The West Was Won: Stacking Up The Pac-12 Diaspora In Week 9
Aston Jeanty heads to Vegas, USC hosts Rutgers & all hell breaks loose in Berkeley
The unofficial stretch run of the 2024 college football season is upon us, which means that our weekly episodes of TV personalities bloviating about the CFP bracket will be replaced by selection committee personalities bloviating about that mock bracket before long.
While ESPN’s first bracket reveal show doesn’t drop until the night the world stops (Election Night), you know that the boys in Bristol are cooking up a studio show that’ll put CNN’s teleprompter-palooza to shame.
Luckily for our collective sanity’s sake, we have another few weeks until both of those fateful feats occur, though the collective hum of electrons known as election ads might drive us all mad by the day in question.
Those of us who enjoy the amateur hour known as NCAA football, we can take some semblance of solace in the lukewarm slate of ball games that are taking place on million dollar fields across the West.
I won’t waste any more of your time with pleasantries, however, so lets get cracking and pick the various bangers and clangers of Week 9.
Last Week: 8-5 Straight-up/9-4 ATS
Season: 41-20 Straight-up/29-30 ATS
All Odds Provided By ESPN BET
No. 17 Boise State (5-1) at UNLV (6-1) — 7:30 p.m. Pacific time Friday (CBS Sports Network)
Spread: Boise State -3.5
Our Pick: Boise State wins, 28-24
I’m going to use this space as an ode to Boise State junior Ashton Jeanty, who is in the midst of what might be the greatest single season by a college running back since Barry Sanders ran for 2,628 yards for Oklahoma State in 1988.
The issue for the North Florida native is that Boise State keeps beating teams asses, which means he’s getting robbed of reps, which has “limited” him to 1,248 rushing yards and 17 touchdown in the Broncos first six games of the year.
This year, Jeanty is averaging an eye-popping 9.9 yards per carry, which ranks well ahead of Sanders average of 7.6 YPC during his historic junior season in Stillwater.
If Jeanty can stay on the field (looking at you, Broncos defense) by blowing a lead against UNLV on Friday night, he’ll likely have a shot at posting his third 200-yard game of the 2024 season.
Right now, I’m going with Jeanty and the Broncos to win a tight one of Barry Odom’s Thomas The Tank Engine offense in Sin City Friday night, with Boise State doing just enough to ensure that the junior back has to play a full four quarters inside the gilded confines of Allegiant Stadium.
USC (3-4) vs. Rutgers (4-3) — 8 p.m. Pacific time Friday (FOX)
Spread: USC -13.5
Our Pick: USC wins, 28-27
What in the flying discus of hell is Lincoln Riley doing in Los Angeles right now? The Trojans are nose diving into the tarmac at LAX in creative ways that the likes of Steve Sarkisian, Lane Kiffin and Clay Helton could only dream of.
Somehow on god’s green earth, the Trojans managed to blow a lead to Maryland of all teams last week, a week after the Terps managed to lose by 27 points at home to Northwestern.
This week, we get the ‘B1G’ matchup we all deserve, as USC gets to try its hand at snapping a three-game losing streak after dark against Greg Schiano and the fighting cold cuts known as the Rutgers Scarlet Knights.
It’s a good thing the LA Coliseum is now sponsored by United Airlines, because both teams are going to need all the frequent flyer miles they can get to flee from this Friday night chuckle fest when the final whistle sounds and the thousands of bored Angelenos head for the hills come Friday night.
Oh, and if that’s not enough — the Big Ten & FOX thought it was a brilliant idea to put this game on the same night as Game 1 of the World Series, which takes place roughly six miles down the 110 three hours before opening kick between USC & Rutgers.
TL;DR: Good luck, Lincoln.
Washington (4-3) at No. 13 Indiana (7-0) — 9 a.m. Pacific time Saturday (Big Ten Network)
Spread: Indiana -6.5
Our Pick: Indiana wins, 45-17
The Human Visor himself has seen his share of lows splattered in with just enough highs to keep that shit-eating grin on his face in the Emerald City this fall.
That lovable nomad of amateur hour is Jedd Fisch, who has guided Washington to an inexplicable loss to Washington State in the Apple Cup before bouncing back and forth between respectable wins and disastrous losses like the stock market in the last five weeks.
I mean, c’mon now, look at that five-game run and tell me you see Washington doing anything other than getting their asses hatched in Bloomington this weekend.
For some reason, Rece Davis and the GameDay boys are headed to the heart of Homefield Apparel territory this weekend, as first year coach Curt Cignetti looks to continue his voodoo magic with the Hoosiers by making Jedd cry uncle on Saturday afternoon.
No. 1 Oregon (7-0) vs. No. 20 Illinois (6-1) — 12:30 p.m. Pacific time Saturday (CBS)
Spread: Oregon -21.5
Our Pick: Oregon wins, 38-10
Much was made of Oregon’s Friday night road trip to West Lafayette to play Purdue in front of a blackout crowd inside Ross-Ade Stadium.
So much for that, folks, as Dan Lanning and company whomped some ass, shutting the Fighting Choo-Choos out, 35-0.
There was no trap game for the Ducks, who went from surviving against Ohio State in Eugene to wrestling poor Purdue into a human sized pretzel.
This week, the geniuses in Champaign-Urbana are tempting the gods by trying to talk shit online about how small Autzen Stadium is and how the Illini won’t be scared by the environment.
Dear reader, that type of smack talk might work out if you’re in the "God Tier” of the B1G time, but if you are a fan of a team that has played in three bowl games since 2014, you should probably sit this one out champ.
Expect Oregon to roll out their Lamborghini offense that racks up 21 points before Bret Bielema has time to put a few Zyns in his gullet.
This one could get late early, as Yogi Berra once said, with Oregon scalping another hide inside the insane asylum known as Autzen Stadium on Saturday afternoon.
Stanford (2-5) vs. Wake Forest (3-4) — 12:30 p.m. Pacific time Saturday (ACC Network)
Spread: Wake Forest -2.5
Our Pick: Wake Forest wins, 17-14
Both of these teams are Prime, Grade-A ass this year, with Stanford riding a four game losing streak where they have scored all of 38 points in total, while Wake has beat UConn & NC State while losing to Ole Miss, Louisiana and Clemson by a combined margin of 72 points.
Stanford might have more people in the school’s library at kickoff than in the stands at Stanford Stadium, which speaks to how far the Fighting Trees have fallen.
At least we have an answer to that age old question of whether a tree falling in a forest when no one’s around makes a sound, as we now know that it does not, based on the Cardinal’s free fall in Palo Alto.
Oregon State (4-3) at Cal (3-4) — 1 p.m. Pacific time Saturday (ESPN2)
Spread: Cal -10
Our Pick: Cal wins, 38-24
To say it’s been a brutal fall for the Cal Golden Bears would be like saying that living in Florida is hell.
The Golden Bears are riding low after a four-game losing streak to ACC foes, despite losing those four contests by a combined margin of nine points, speaking to how cursed the Bay Area program right now.
Last week, Cal managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory against NC State of all teams, which is a feat that’s impressive in its stupidity.
This week, I’m going with the Bears to finally avenge their slew of brain cramps to get back to .500 for the season, paving the way for a stretch run that includes games against ACC royalty like Wake Forest, Syracuse, Stanford and … SMU.
God, this whole conference realignment thing is going to take some time to get used to…
Colorado State (4-3) vs. New Mexico (3-4) — 2 p.m. Pacific time Saturday (No TV)
Spread: CSU -6.5
Our Pick: CSU wins, 20-10
America’s team (by which I mean my alma mater, CSU) has flailed its way into a two-game winning streak by the grace of god herself.
The Rams find themselves on the right side of .500 for the first time in years, thanks to managing to not lose to San José State and lowly Air Force in successive weeks, moving CSU to 4-3 for the year.
Now the task for Jay Norvell and company is to avoid soiling the sheets when Bronco Mendenhall and the New Mexico Lobos come to the Fort on Saturday afternoon.
What used to be a simple pronouncement (don’t lose to UNM) has become a taller task since the former BYU & UVA coach came to the ‘Burque, with the Lobos sitting at 3-4 with three straight wins over New Mexico State, Air Force & Utah State.
Better yet for Broncos boys is the fact that the Lobos have scored 50 or more in each of those wins, speaking to the play of whirling dervish Devon Dampier at QB.
Dampier leads UNM in passing & rushing yards, with 1,760 yards through the air and 487 yards on the ground.
He also has as many interceptions as passing touchdowns (nine each) and has made some brain cramp level decisions under center for UNM this season.
He’s still an absolute unit at QB, though, and should amass plenty of yards for the Lobos along the Front Range Saturday.
I’m going with Norvell to remember just enough about how to coach winning football from his days in Reno to get CSU one win away from bowl eligibility this weekend, though there ain’t no valley low enough for the Rams to fall down as a favorite under their lovably disheveled head coach.
Arizona (3-4) vs. West Virginia (3-4) — 4 p.m. Pacific time Saturday (FS1)
Spread: Arizona -3.5
Our Pick: West Virginia wins, 24-17
I’m out of ways to try and describe the Arizona Wildcats football team in 2024 that don’t include some variation of the “What The Fuck?” meme.
How in the hell has Brent Brennan’s staff managed to take one of the nation’s biggest risers at QB in 2023 (Noah Fifita) and the West’s best wideout in Tetairoa McMillan and turn it into Left Coast Rutgers?
I’m over this team, I’m over the play calling (or lack thereof) by offensive coordinator Dino Babers and I’m over trying to put a shine on what’s been a thunderous turd of a football season in the Old Pueblo.
Utah (4-3) at Houston (2-5) — 4 p.m. Pacific time Saturday (ESPN+)
Spread: Utah -3.5
Our Pick: Houston wins, 21-17
The Fighting Utes have fallen and they cannot get up, with three straight losses to Big 12 royalty like Arizona, ASU and TCU.
Zac Wilson’s baby brother appears to be even more decision-challenged than his toe-headed sibling, with eight interceptions to seven touchdown passes as Utah’s QB this year.
Wilson took over for aged wonder Cam Rising, whose arm turned into spaghetti squash this fall.
I’ve picked against Utah in each of their last three games and haven’t been wrong yet, so congrats Houston — you’re getting your second Big 12 victory of the conference season on Saturday!
Utah State (1-6) at Wyoming (1-6) — 4 p.m. Saturday (CBS Sports Network)
Spread: Utah State -1
Our Pick: Utah State wins, 7-6
The score above is only slightly in jest, dear reader, as both of these teams have no business fielding FBS rosters this season.
The Aggies are coming in on a five-game losing streak where they’ve lost by double digits to every team they’ve faced (including Temple!) before managing to come close against UNM (before falling 50-45).
On the other end of this welterweight battle, Wyoming has one win to date, that being a 31-19 victory over Air Force, before falling to San Diego State and San José State in succession.
Sadly for all of us, someone has to win this matchup, so I’ll go with the Aggies to score the one touchdown needed to emerge victorious in this NSFW showdown of miserable football teams.
Fresno State (4-3) vs. San José State (5-2) — 5 p.m. Pacific time Saturday (TruTV)
Spread: Fresno State -4.5
Our Pick: Fresno State wins, 38-28
The Bulldogs have ridden the proverbial bull of late, surviving a 60-minute rock fight against Nevada last weekend after falling against UNLV & Washington State in succession.
This weekend, the plucky Spartans of SJSU enter the San Joaquin Valley looking for that sixth win to reach a bowl game, which speaks to the majesty of head coach Ken Niumatalolo.
Niumatalolo has guided SJSU to respectability in his first season in the Bay Area, with wins over Kennesaw State, Nevada and Wyoming in the team’s last five games.
Even the Spartans losses to CSU and Washington State came out as a wash, as both teams needed some serious devil magic to beat Niumatalolo and SJSU.
This week, I expect Fresno State’s turnover machine of a QB (Mikey Keene) to throw just enough touchdown passes to outflank the befuddling interceptions he’ll toss to the other team come Saturday night.
Colorado (5-2) vs. Cincinnati (5-2) — 7:15 p.m. Pacific time Saturday (ESPN)
Spread: Colorado -5.5
Our Pick: Colorado wins, 32-27
America’s finest prep school-turned-FCS-turned-FBS coach and insurance salesman has the Buffs’ on the verge of their first bowl game in a full season since the 2016 Alamo Bowl.
They’ve gotten there of late by whooping some Big 12 ass, extracting a pound of flesh on Homecoming from the woebegone Arizona Wildcats after Kansas State smashed CU’s hopes to bits and pieces in Boulder the week before.
Now, CU is one win away from that sweet postseason trip to Las Vegas, though they have to survive a battle with Scott Satterfield and the Cincinnati Bearcats first.
The Bearcats are coming off a 24-14 takedown of America’s leading ‘Elderly Millennial,’ beating ASU’s ADHD laden wonder to move to 5-2 themselves.
This weekend, I expect Prime to remember to hold down the X button long enough to spam the ball to Heisman contender Travis Hunter, guiding CU to that ever so sweet sixth win of the season.
Washington State (6-1) at San Diego State (3-3) — 7:30 p.m. Pacific time Saturday (CBS Sports Network)
Spread: Washington State -14.5
Our Pick: Washington State wins, 24-10
The jilted wonders from the Palouse just keep beating that ass, with consecutive wins over Hawaii and Fresno State by a combined margin of 40 points to reach bowl eligibility this fall.
They’ve done all this despite ranking 89th nationally in points per game allowed (27.0) thanks in large part to the play of sophomore battering ram at QB, John Mateer.
Mateer ranks 28th nationally in QBR at 74.5, thanks to his 1,896 passing yards and 16 touchdown passes (to six interceptions) through the air, to go with his team-leading 533 yards and eight scores on the ground.
The net result of Mateer’s linebacker-sized dual threat abilities is that Washington State has become both the unstoppable force and the immovable object in 2024, with Mateer playing both roles (somehow).
Come Saturday night, I expect Wazzu to “Laissez les bons temps rouler” against the Aztecs in America’s Finest City, with a comfortable margin of victory that doesn’t quite cover the gaudy, 14.5-point line that the boys in Vegas have slapped on the future Pac-12 After Dark contest.