How The West Was Won: Stacking Up The Pac-12 Diaspora In Week 7
How The West Was Won: Stacking Up The Pac-12 Diaspora In Week 7
After two-plus weeks in Europe, one man takes on the West Coast's football action
After two weeks in Europe and another week trying to remember how time zones work, I’m back in the sling and am tanned, rested and ready for some amateur football.
For those of you that missed my essay earlier this week, I was forced to endure the sting of not having easy access to NCAA football while I sojourned my way across the pond, resorting to the Four-Letter Network’s glitch-laden application to get my football fix.
Fret not though, dear reader, as I’m back in the land of the Twinkie in time to catch up where I left off in late September, when I dive-bombed my way through a week of terrible picks to take the shine off a strong start to the season.
Without further ado, here’s how I see Week 7 of the college football season unfolding, with a slew of quality games stretching their way from the sterile confines of Sun Devil Stadium to the sun-bleached bleachers of Honolulu.
Last Week: 7-6 Straight-up/4-8 ATS
Season: 24-9 Straight-up/16-15 ATS
All Odds Provided By ESPN BET
UNLV (4-1) at Utah State (1-4) — 6 p.m. Pacific time Friday (CBS Sports Network)
Spread: UNLV -18.5
Our Pick: UNLV wins, 41-17
One of the strangest storylines of the season unfolded while I was out galavanting around the Mediterranean, as UNLV gunslinger Matthew Sluka abruptly exited Sin City after being screwed over by The House.
The House, in this case, was not a casino (per se), but the NIL payment that the rising star at quarterback for the Rebels was promised but never paid by UNLV’s leadership team.
How have the Rebels responded since losing their dual-threat QB, you ask? Well, they’ve gone on to hang 59 points on Fresno State before dropping an overtime head-scratcher to Syracuse at Allegiant Stadium to drop to 4-1 for the year.
All of this is to say that UNLV should shellack the downtrodden Aggies come Friday night, as Utah State reels from having their head coach fired out from under them in the immediate runup to the regular season and having little to no discernible talent to lean on this season.
I expect UNLV to win going away in Logan this week, with the only way Utah State covers the 18.5-point spread being if the Rebels put in the backups in the game’s final quarter.
ASU (4-1) vs. No. 16 Utah (4-1) — 7:30 p.m. Pacific time Friday (ESPN)
Spread: Utah -3.5
Our Pick: Utah wins, 28-20
A chief reason for my decision to go against the Grand Canyon State’s favorite 30-something year old basket case rests on Utah’s ability to trot Cam Rising out at QB on Friday evening.
If the middle-aged wonder can go against the Sun Devils then Utah’s got a legit shot at blowing the doors open in Tempe, though I’m a bit queasy about any ranked team avoiding a face-plant inside Sun Devil Stadium on a weeknight.
For now, I’ll go with Kyle Whittingham’s defense to do just enough to make up for Rising’s noodle arm, giving Utah a shot of confidence after getting routed at home by Arizona of all teams in late September.
Washington (4-2) at Iowa (3-2) — 9 a.m. Pacific time Saturday (FOX)
Spread: Iowa -3
Our Pick: Iowa wins, 15-9
The over/under on this embarrassment of defensive riches is 42.5, which seems comically high for a game involving two aged wonders in Kirk Ferentz and the visor known as Jedd Fisch.
Washington pulled off an “upset” over the country’s reigning clothes-free emperor in Seattle last weekend, which means that I expect the Huskies to leave their offense in the Emerald City.
I’m going with Iowa to outkick their new conference buddies by a margin of five makes to three, with zero touchdowns to be found in Iowa City come Saturday afternoon.
USC (3-2) vs. No. 4 Penn State (5-0) — 12:30 p.m. Pacific time Saturday
Spread: Penn State -4
Our Pick: Penn State wins, 38-14
It didn’t take long for the Golden State’s favorite visor-wearing despot in a long sleeved T-shirt to alienate what’s left of the media attention he earned, with USC’s Lincoln Riley soiling his gold-plated diaper in the visiting press conference space Saturday.
Riley evidently forgot that his reward for trading spaces from Tornado Alley to The Strand was the burden of expectation, with USC needing to fight for every inch they get in the LA Times, LA Daily-News or the LA Weekly.
Instead the balding wonder decided to launch into a tirade about a reporter having the gall to do their job properly, netting USC another headache and alienating a corp that they need to win back public support after a 15-year disappearing act in Tinseltown.
Southern Cal has now lost two of three (both on the road) to a watered down Michigan team and an anemic Minnesota squad that gave up 31 points to Iowa of all teams.
Expect USC to fully implode inside whatever corporate nickname they’ve slapped on the LA Coliseum on Saturday, with James Franklin earning a much-needed “quality” win over the gilded era head coach in Los Angeles.
Stanford (2-3) at No. 11 Notre Dame (4-1) — 12:30 p.m. Pacific time Saturday (NBC)
Spread: Notre Dame -23
Our Pick: Notre Dame wins, 34-20
When we last met in this column space, I told you all about how Fran Brown was going to wipe the floor with this year’s Cardinal team.
Dear reader, I was wrong, as Stanford managed to beat Syracuse by a final score of 26-24, giving second year head coach Troy Taylor some momentum after a bumpy start.
Sadly for him and the Fighting Trees, that goodwill didn’t last long, as Stanford proceeded to get shellacked by Clemson and Virginia Tech by a combined score of 71-21.
Now, Taylor and the Cardinal are tasked with heading to South Bend and earning the school’s first win over the Fighting Irish since 2022, when the Palo Alto institution of liberal economics and libertarian politics pulled of a thrilling, 16-14 victory.
I don’t see a repeat of that happening again this weekend, with the Irish pulling of a comfortable win, though not comfortable enough to warrant the current 23-point spread in favor of the Indiana university cosplaying as a bunch of punch drunk Irishmen.
California (3-2) at No. 22 Pittsburgh (5-0) — 12:30 p.m. Pacific time Saturday (ESPN)
Spread: Pitt -3.5
Our Pick: Cal wins, 24-20
The “Calgorithm” managed to snatch defeat from victories’ grasp in Berkeley on Saturday night, blowing a 35-10 second half lead to Mario Cristobal of all people.
Now the Bears head to play an emboldened Pat Narduzzi and the Pitt Panthers on the heels of that 39-38 loss to the Hurricanes, looking to keep the hometown team from moving to 6-0 for the first time since 1982.
That Panthers team was coached by Foge Fazio and quarterbacked by a spritely fella by the name of Daniel Marino, who went on to star in “Ace Ventura Pet Detective,” amongst other highlights.
I expect nature to return to its natural order and for Pitt to blow a winnable game at home to the Golden Bears on Saturday, giving the anarchist masses in the East Bay a pint of flesh after a pair of collapses against teams from the Sunshine State.
Colorado State (2-3) vs. San José State (4-1) — 12:30 p.m. Pacific time Saturday (TruTV)
Spread: SJSU -1
Our Pick: SJSU wins, 20-17
I’m going to sound the alarm that my old editor at the Rocky Mountain Collegian Matt Stephens has been hitting of late, which is that the Rams are a disorganized mess under third-year head coach Jay Norvell.
Norvell has gone 10-19 in Fort Collins and undoubtedly inherited a dumpster fire of a trainwreck when he took over for “Guys Being Dudes” enthusiast Steve Addazio in 2022.
The bottom line though is that CSU is a program with champagne expectations but Natural Light reality, as the Rams haven’t been in a bowl game since the 2017 New Mexico Bowl.
This week, I’m going with my old Navy friend (and one-time future Arizona football coach) Ken Niumatalolo to earn a fifth win in six games, with CSU doing something stupid to snatch another loss from the jaws of victory in Fort Collins on Saturday afternoon.
San Diego State (2-3) at Wyoming (1-4) — 12:30 p.m. Pacific time Saturday (CBS Sports Network)
Spread: SDSU -1.5
Our Pick: Wyoming wins, 17-13
Maybe there’s a reason why Deion Sanders neutered Sean Lewis’ play-calling abilities last year in Boulder.
I say that because the former Kent State head coach has taken over the reigns on a program that made 12 bowls in 14 years under everyone from Brady Hoke to … Brady Hoke … and failed to do anything with it.
While I will say that Lewis inherited a program that had fallen and couldn’t get up, going 7-6 and 4-8 in Hoke’s final two years there, it’s still eye-opening to see SDSU look anemic on both sides of the ball.
That’s why I see a terrible Wyoming team taking it to SDSU in Laramie this weekend, with two teams that can’t find the end zone with a road map throwing haymakers until someone botches a snap and loses at the final gun.
In such a case, I’ll go with Wyoming to do just enough to emerge victorious, with the Aztecs falling to 2-4 and looking at risk of another lost season in America’s Finest City.
Arizona (3-2) at No. 14 BYU (5-0) — 1 p.m. Pacific time Saturday (FOX)
Spread: BYU -4
Our Pick: Arizona wins, 31-28
You could quite literally hear the audible whack of Arizona fans nationwide nailing their domes against the nearest surface in the weary hours of Saturday evening.
That’s when future NFL star wideout Tetairoa McMillan committed the cardinal sin of football — that being the error of trying to do too much.
The junior’s sin in this case was trying to extend a first down play against Texas Tech, ultimately allowing a Red Raiders defender to punch the ball free and seal a hard-fought loss for the now-unranked Wildcats.
This week, I’m going to lean back and embrace the organized chaos that is Arizona football in the year of our lord 2024, with the Wildcats somehow snatching a win over their former WAC rivals.
By doing so, the Wildcats ensure that America won’t have to worry about the LDS’ chosen sons come CFP time, saving us the embarrassment of watching the Cougars get boot-stomped by Georgia in the first round of the event in December.
Washington State (4-1) at Fresno State (3-2) — 4 p.m. Pacific time Saturday (FS1)
Spread: WSU -3.5
Our Pick: WSU wins, 48-45
I’m not about to try and downgrade my Coug Hype Train just because Washington State met the maker known as Ashton Jeanty on the smurf turf, friends.
That’s exactly what happened to Wazzu on Sept. 28, though, with Boise State using a 28-14 second half edge to snap the Cougs’ unbeaten season in a 45-24 victory.
Jeanty rattled off 259 yards and four scores in the win, illustrating once again why he should be sent to New York City on the damn Concorde this season.
This week, I’m going with the Cougs’ to do just enough to win a wild track meet in the San Joaquin Valley, with Washington State battering ram Jake Mateer running and gunning his way to a fifth win in six tries this fall.
No. 3 Oregon vs. No. 2 Ohio State — 4:30 p.m. Pacific time Saturday (NBC)
Spread: Oregon -3
Our Pick: Oregon wins, 31-27
At long last we get to the Clash of The (Unpaid) Titans inside Autzen Stadium, with third ranked Oregon looking to pull off another win over Ohio State.
The Ducks are 1-9 all time against the Buckeyes, though they did win the last showdown between the two Nike-clad giants, winning inside The Shoe, 35-28, in 2021.
This year marks Chip Kelly’s return to his former stomping grounds as a clipboard carrier, with the OSU offensive coordinator looking to make it rain tears of pain come Saturday evening.
Unfortunately for the nation’s eminent Dunkin Donuts drinking football madman, I expect Dan Lanning to earn the win inside Autzen on Saturday, with Oregon doing just enough to cover the three-point spread in Eugene this weekend.
Regardless of the final score, this game is going to be an absolute heater of a ballgame, with lots of swearing and sweating from coaches, fans and players alike.
Oregon State (4-1) at Nevada (1-4) — 4:30 p.m. Pacific time Saturday (CBS Sports Network)
Spread: Oregon State -3
Our Pick: Oregon State wins, 31-10
The plucky Beavers are back to their winning ways after getting fed into the meat grinder by Lanning and company, besting my alma mater (which isn’t hard to do) and Purdue (ditto) in the last two weeks.
This Saturday, the nation’s leading chainsaw enthusiasts head to knockoff Las Vegas to play Nevada in a game that will be ugly as sin but fun as hell if you pull for if you’re a Beavers fan.
I’m going with the Beavers to win one for the Pac-2, serving up another appetizer sized dish of disappointment for the Mountain West.
UCLA (1-4) vs. Minnesota (3-3) — 6 p.m. Pacific time Saturday (Big Ten Network)
Spread: Minnesota -5
Our Pick: Minnesota wins, 28-10
If you’ve made it this far, congrats and thanks for your support. Why does UCLA field a football team, you ask? Well, dear friends, it’s because they need a tax write-off to garner the financial support needed to crush opponents’ hopes and dreams on the softball diamonds and volleyball courts of America.
UCLA fans should remind themselves as such when the Bruins are thrown into a 60-minute headlock by PJ Fleck of all people.
Remember though, we’re only a few weeks from the opening tip of the men’s and women’s basketball season, when reprieve is dished out for our friends in Westwood.
Colorado (4-1) vs. No. 18 Kansas State (4-1) — 7:15 p.m. Pacific time Saturday (ESPN)
Spread: Kansas State -3.5
Our Pick: Kansas State wins, 45-24
Can America’s finest prep school-turned-sunglass salesman find a way to score a fourth straight win this weekend?
Well, sadly for CU fans, they actually have to play a team that understands how the rules of the sport work, which is more than CSU (pain), Baylor and UCF can say.
Expect K-State to use their bye week after the Wildcats’ 42-20 rout of Oklahoma State to pin Sanders into a pretzel in Boulder on Saturday, with CU crying uncle by the time the starting pistol goes off at halftime.
No. 17 Boise State (4-1) at Hawaii (2-3) — 8 p.m. Pacific time Saturday (CBS Sports Network)
Spread: Boise State -20.5
Our Pick: Boise State wins, 38-7
I am genuinely sad at the current state of affairs in America’s finest state, that being the land of sunshine and rainbows known as Hawai’i.
How has a program that Dick Tomey and June Jones built into a plucky underdog fallen into a state of disarray that one-ups the Rainbow Warriors’ condemned former home stadium?
While the answer to that question is well above my paygrade, I can say that I’m sad to see the ‘Bows continue to blow each fall.
Unfortunately for them, they have to contend with the Mack Truck known as Ashton Jeanty, who is averaging 10.9 yards per carry (!) this season.
Expect Jeanty to get pulled at halftime again on Saturday with Boise State cruising to a comfortable cover in the final game of the weekend inside the glorified high school stadium known as Clarence T.C. Ching Athletics Complex.